“Looking
at Death”, Benjamin Paige with SWPC members, 2003
Yesterday
I learned Ben Paige had passed away after a long illness.
Ben was with the Seeing With Photography Collective for many years. He
was a determined photographer who was an inspiration. Ben created many memorable and wonderful images, despite his total blindness. Ben sometimes showed up tired -but
full of ideas and enough energy to work, even though earlier in the day, he had to undergo kidney dialysis. You can experience some of Ben's work here...
Read Ben's own words as he relates his experiences with our art group. I interviewed Ben in 2006. "Italics " are my own words.
Ben
Paige...
With
my work, I want to do something different from the ordinary picture.
In my mind I try to think of something real odd or weird...so that
when people look at my pictures they have to stop and they'll say,
its eye catching. I'll do a head on a chair or heads missing,
somebody's head turned backwards or anything that’s scary. That’s
what my whole thing is about. The people I work with are all
sighted...they used to tiptoe cause I’m blind, they were scared to
say anything to me...until they got to know me, then we joked
around...then they got so shocked when I told them I did photography,
that's what really floored them...so when I showed them the pictures,
that'when they got shocked!, that you can make pictures like this.
It’s unbelievable. I proved to them what blind people can
do...other wise they didn't know, that we can do just like any other
people can do. You don't have to see to do everything, even though
they work in X-Ray in the dark, so they understand that. I wish I
could see these pictures, from the way people describe them to me.
I got it in my mind. When I first came here I didn't know myself,
blind people could take pictures...In the beginning I got a lot of my
stuff from Vicky, how she takes pictures...When I get prints...you
get a different impression from everyone, that’s why the prints are
good, to prove what I did, cause you can talk about it...but seeing
is believing!
You
said something to me once...that when you felt somebody’s face, it
wasn't a good way of knowing what they're all about? ... I
feel that is more of what you see in a movie, that's what a movie
wants - to make a blind person seem like he can't tell nothing about
a person unless he is feeling all over their face...to me it’s not
true. How am I going to tell you what they really look like?
Personally, I don't like feeling people’s faces. Period. It's too
“blindness" for me, I'm blind already, I don't want to act
more blind. A lot of blind people never turn the light on...I turn my
light on every night. I don't want to be in the house in the dark,
even though I can't see the light.
Tell
me about the staged murder scenes? When I have people
looking through the window, its like peeking through and discover
something you shouldn't be discovering, you see this murder scene
that they never expect to see...You see them with their mouths open,
in shock!, the stranger, the better. Different from what other people
would. My best pictures come when I think about them during the week,
not just when I'm walking into the room. They pop into my head, I
plan it more. If I walk in...I'm guessing more or less, what ever
comes, then you do.
Looking
at your pictures, one thing I think about is, loosing your eyesight
is a scary thing too. Yeah, sort of scary. Why I say it
like that is because I've been around blind people a lot. I went to
the School for the Blind when I had bad eyesight...I could handle
it...deep down inside, maybe I was scared, so I'm doing it through
the pictures. I don't know.
How
do you feel about working spontaneously? I don't get my
best results that way. I did a picture like that of this girl that
was in the group. I wanted her head turned backwards...Another one
came out very well, with the house and the cross. Why do
you think that picture was good? I can't say why, we just
threw everything together. Sometimes your just lucky...sometimes when
you least expect it, it comes out wonderful.
A
lot of my pictures are kind of hard, a big production it takes a lot
of time, it’s a big ordeal almost. Its not that I want to, just
they come into my mind that way.
How
is it doing the lighting? The challenge is to know how
long to light, and to get it right...the first time...that's the
thrill, I thrive on that! I'm like Vicky when it comes to that.
How do you work with volunteers? They're very good
cause they do what you tell them to do...they give their opinion, if
it’s good or not, sometimes you have an idea but it isn't
practical. What do you think about trusting someone else’s
visual judgment? Let's put it this way, I have to trust
them cause I have no other choice, when you’re blind, you have to
go on what somebody tells you. You have an idea in your head what
it’s supposed to look like, but it may not come that way. When I
did that hospital scene it got me sort of annoyed because they told
me it was good, then when I wanted to get a print of it Mark said it
was not good. Things like that are confusing. I was happy, and when
we were talking about printing, Mark said it’s not such a good
picture, too much whatever, but to me, you should have said it wasn't
good from the beginning. Tell me. I'm going on – “It’s good.”
That brings into question what people mean when they say
"good” it might mean one thing to one person and another thing
to another. You can't tell me its good and turn around
and tell me it’s not good.
Years
ago when you could see, did any pictures influence or make an impact
on you? No, I wasn't much of an artist. I’d take a few
pictures. it was no big deal...some people, like Fred, can tell you
what color the costume was, I could never do that I never could...if
you asked me the colors were, I can't remember all that. I love the
way Fred describes something...Even when I had good sight I could
never say...what that person looked like, if I had to describe
somebody, forget about it, even if I saw you.
Since
you never remembered visual things much when you saw, and you are
making pictures now, are your pictures more concerned with ideas than
images? My idea is more important because it’s getting
the point across, the point I want to get across. The idea of the
subway scene ...I had an idea, told them how I wanted it set up, but
we didn't get it, but see, you don't always get what you want, but I
also saw the idea in my mind too...I'll picture what it is supposed
to be like...I never went to a museum or was into Art. I am sorry I
wasn't...I regret it now, as I'm older I see how I'm interested in
it. ♦
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